Thursday, March 29, 2012

Skippy Says: 21 Weeks (Pregnancy Journal)

21 Weeks

Dear baby girl,

You may still be little, but I'm not going to sugarcoat things for you-- this has been a rough week, with an especially rough day today to top it off. Some might even say a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day.

First of all, I should tell you that you've officially earned your very first spanking. What's that you say? You thought I didn't believe in spankings as a form of discipline? Well, you just may have changed my mind. You see, earlier this week my stomach felt really hard at night. I mean, it always feels hard, but it felt rock solid hard. And I felt some tightening, as well as some pain that went along with it. So naturally I turned to the internet for comfort. And this is probably a good point to remind you it's not nice to laugh at your mama. Google told me this could be a sign I was going into pre-term labor. Um, that's not comforting. What up with that google? I thought we had an agreement. It was about 11:30 at night at this point, so I frantically called the hospital. The doctor on call I spoke with was just about as comforting as google. She said it could be pre-term labor, and if it was there was nothing they can do because I wasn't far enough along yet for you to be viable, so, you know, just try to get some sleep. Um, right, sleep.

At this point, the only thing that could even mildly comfort me was the thought of feeling you move so I would know you're ok. Except you refused to. All. Night. Every single other night you have moved multiple times. But that night, the night I really needed you to, you refused to budge. I tried eating, drinking, and laying super still in a ton of different positions. And still nothing. I called the hospital the next morning and spoke with a much more helpful doctor who explained that this was normal, and could be caused in large part because I had a cold. And then, only then, did you begin wiggling around again. Like, JUST KIDDING MOM, I really pulled your leg there, huh? I think we could all agree you deserve a serious spanking for that little stunt.

And then there was today. The horrible, terrible, no good, very bad today. How about you let me complain about it, I'll carry you around in my tummy for 9 months and go through labor and delivery with you, and then we'll call it even. Deal?

The baby girl I nanny for was sick and fussy. My computer crashed and the people at the store told me I had to get my entire hard-drive replaced. Oh, and the fact that I haven't backed up my computer for the last 7 months means that all the photos, music, documents, and new data accumulated in that time was lost. Unless of course I want to pay anywhere between $600-$3000 to maybe get it restored. And then when I got home I realized I had lost the key to the house so I sat on a stoop in the rain waiting for my dad to come with a spare one to save the day. I have to warn you, if you grow up to be the kind of person that responds to my first world whining with "don't you know there are people starving in Africa?" I'm going to have to kick you in the balls.

Here's hoping for a better week next time.



Thursday, March 22, 2012

Skippy Says: 20 Weeks (Pregnancy Journal)

20 Weeks

Dear baby girl,

We're halfway there- I can't believe it! 20 weeks. There is only 20 weeks left until I get to meet you. I know that seems like a lot of weeks, but these days each one goes by so fast, I'm sure it'll feel like you're in my arms in no time. All the books tell me you're the size of a cantaloupe now. So big! That got me really excited, until I looked one week ahead and read that you'll be the size of a banana next week. Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure a cantaloupe is bigger than a banana. It's not nice to mess with pregnant women like that.

I've caught a bit of a cold, so I spent all day in bed with you. When I lie still I can feel you move all the time now, especially when I'm on my back. I know it's not good to lay on your back when you're pregnant, but I was a bad mama and did it for like ten whole minutes since I didn't want to stop feeling you inside of me. At one point I put my hands on my belly and I could even feel you slightly from the outside-- kind of like when you put your hand on your chest after exercise and can feel your heart beating. Unfortunately daddy wasn't home to feel it, but hopefully you'll move some more tonight for him.

Our puppy, Ryder, seems to finally have caught on to the changes in my body too. I've read about dogs being really intuitive about this type of thing and sensing pregnancy early on, but Ryder isn't the sharpest dog in the toolshed. Or something like that. Though he is the sweetest. Anyway, I think he finally gets that something is up. He spent a good portion of the day trying to sniff and lick at my belly. I can't wait to see you two interact. Ain't nothin' cuter than a dog and a baby together. I'm predicting the biggest challenge will be keeping him from licking your face all the time. He likes to do that. And you might have other feelings about it. Or not. But I definitely do.



Thursday, March 15, 2012

Skippy Says: 19 Weeks (Pregnancy Journal)

19 weeks

Dear baby girl,

This week this whole pregnancy thing suddenly got real. A big part of that was knowing that I can now confidently refer to you as "she" rather than "it." That's a win right there. But I think an even bigger part of it was truly beginning to feel you move inside me. I thought I might have felt you a tiny bit before, but I really wasn't positive. And then, just a few hours after our ultrasound where the doctor showed us something that is apparently your labia, you made your presence very well known. And then again, and again, at least 5 different times throughout the day. And each time I couldn't stop smiling like a fool. I'm sure all the people in the coffee shop I was at thought I was crazy, giggling at seemingly random points throughout the day. I immediately called daddy, and although he was incredibly excited, I could tell he was pretty jealous too. I hope your kicks get stronger soon because I know he's dying to feel you.

Up until I felt you move, part of me felt disconnected from the pregnancy, from you. I guess I didn't truly feel it was real. And then I'd go on those awful baby forums where everyone talked about how much they're bonding with their little ones, and convince myself that I'm going to be a horrible mother because I wasn't experiencing those same feelings. When people asked if I was excited, I answered, honestly, that I was thrilled, that I had been waiting for you for more years than I can count on my fingers and toes. The part I did not verbalize, at least not to most people, was that this excitement was theoretical. It's like when you're about to go on a vacation, and everyone keeps telling you how excited you must be. And you fervently nod along and smile, echoing their words, but the truth is the excitement has not truly set in, and it won't until you're lying on that beach or exploring that city or climbing that mountain. Finally feeling you moving inside my belly materialized that excitement for me. That is, as they say, when shit got real.

I love knowing that everywhere I go for the next few months, I'm toting you around with me. I love knowing that I can keep you safe and warm. It almost makes me wish you didn't ever have to come out. Almost. But then I try to bend over to pick up a water bottle, and fail because my huge stomach gets in the way. And then, well, then I think I'll be a-ok when the time comes for you be born.



Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Skippy Says: Best. Monday. Ever. (Pregnancy Journal)

Dear baby girl,

That's right, girl!! I can't wait to dress you up. It's probably a good thing you're not a boy, because I would have forced you to wear all those cute dresses I bought either way.



Thursday, March 8, 2012

Skippy Says: 18 Weeks (Pregnancy Journal)

18 weeks

Dear baby,

You know how people tell you you'll look wonderful during pregnancy? You'll have that special "glow?" Well, I'm calling bullshit. Either that, or I'm still waiting on mine. No part of me feels glowy when I reach inside my closet and find I have nothing I can comfortably fit into to wear for the day. Nor is there anything glowy about getting out of breath and winded doing a "hike" (let's be honest, it's a walk) that didn't even used to get my heart rate up. And you know what? I definitely don't feel glow-y when I go bathing suit shopping to find a suit I can fit into so I can swim at my gym. Ain't nothing glowy about what I'm seeing in the mirror. Not. a. thing.

I always thought I'd be one of those pregnant women who loved being pregnant. After all, I've wanted to be pregnant and have you for as long as I can remember, so it only made sense. I yearned to feel my belly grow, to rub my hands over it in a circular motion like I'd seen other pregnant ladies do. You can't tell me that doesn't sound like fun. But you know what? The truth is I don't feel that way. I'm no less ecstatic about having you-- I can't wait for five (looooooong) months from now when I'll finally get to cradle your little body in my arms and make annoying cooing noises that will make all my friends hate me. But for now at least, the joy for me comes when I hear your heart beat thumping away, sounding cute and little just like you; from when I think I might feel your little body moving inside mine. It definitely does not come from my tights clothes and expanding belly. Not yet anyway.

My 18th week of pregnancy coincides with Purim this year. It's unbelievable to think that around this time next year I'll be celebrating Purim with a 6 month old you in my arms. This year, I celebrated with you in my belly by taking you to your first Megillah reading at the synagogue. Purim is the most joyous of the Jewish holidays, a day where it is literally considered a mitzvah (a good deed) to be happy and share that happiness with others. Noisemakers, costumes, and cookies are all a part of the festivities. Oh, and alcohol (for those who can indulge, of course). It is literally a mitzvah to get drunk on Purim. Does that make you excited to be Jewish or what? Since I wasn't able to partake, I ate extra cookies to make up for it. I had to, you know, because it's a mitzvah.

Purim time is always full of happiness for me, as I hope it will be for you. I remember exchanging mishloach manot (baskets filled with gifts of food or drink exchanged on Purim between family and friends as a sign of love and friendship) with friends at school-- how much fun I had picking out what to give and then opening up what I got in return. I remember music in the hallway between classes with rabbis carrying students on their shoulders and dancing around. I remember color war-- the week leading up to Purim when the school got divided up into 5 teams of different colors, with competitions and games for the first 3 hours of every day. I remember the Purim carnival ending all the festivities, when the school gym magically transformed into my idea of heaven and I would die trying to win tickets for prizes I'd forget about a few minutes after I got them. Your grandma and grandpa gave me all that joy because of the school they sent me to, the community they surrounded me with. I hope I can give the same to you.



Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Skippy Says: On Guilt (OOTD)

My BFF has a theory on why so many Jews and Catholics end up in romantic relationships-- both cultures share a love of guilt. Whether it's guilting people or being guilted by them, my parents taught me well. And if you think the guilting stops after you've grown up, you'd be wrong. Why just today, my papa told me how the amount of stress he's under due to my vegetarianism and choosing to work with a midwife rather than an OBGYN for my pregnancy is going to send him to an early grave. And as a good Jewish girl, I let the guilt of the stress I'm causing him eat away at me all day. I mean, since I don't plan on changing either of those decisions, feeling guilty about it is the least I could, right? Love you papa.

- Anthropologie dress
- Thrifted (from Crossroads) jacket
- Huge tights
- DSW shoes

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Skippy Says: 17 Weeks (Pregnancy Journal)

17 weeks

Dear baby,

I thought by now I'd be able to say "dear baby girl" or "dear baby boy" but unfortunately no such luck. On Monday morning, we had an ultrasound to try to determine your sex but unfortunately you're still a little too little. You tried your best to help us out though and I appreciate that. You were laying in my belly sleeping with your legs wide open as if you knew we were going to try to get a peek at your goods. Atta girl. Or boy. To be determined.

Despite not getting to know what we came for, seeing your little heart beating on that ultrasound made my day. I've read so many horror stories about how women have miscarriages later on in their pregnancies because their baby's heart suddenly stops beating for no apparent reason, so naturally I became terrified that was going to happen to you. Especially since I haven't felt you kick or move yet. What's that you say? It's a bad idea for me to read these horror stories? Yes, I know, but mama's a sick sick woman and she can't help herself. Daddy has told me time and time again to delete those baby apps from my phone and to stop doing this to myself, but I don't listen to him. I'm sure you won't either.

Unlike with our last ultrasound when we could see your whole body on the screen at once, you were way too big for us to do that this time. We had to go piece by piece, first looking at your head, then your torso and spine, then arms, hands, fingers, legs, feet, and finally toes. It's incredible to see how much you've grown in just a few short weeks! I'm going to go ahead and attribute my ever expanding belly to that rather than copious amounts of cheese I've been consuming. Mmmmm cheese. As we were examining you head to toe, the doctor kept pointing out how good everything looked, and mentioning that this was a good sign that you didn't have some obscure diseases I've never even heard of. I'm sure she meant to comfort me, but remember now, I'm sick. So instead of being comforted, I became acutely aware of how many more things there are to worry about, things I didn't even know existed. And so back to reading horror stories I went.


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