Thursday, March 15, 2012

Skippy Says: 19 Weeks (Pregnancy Journal)

19 weeks

Dear baby girl,

This week this whole pregnancy thing suddenly got real. A big part of that was knowing that I can now confidently refer to you as "she" rather than "it." That's a win right there. But I think an even bigger part of it was truly beginning to feel you move inside me. I thought I might have felt you a tiny bit before, but I really wasn't positive. And then, just a few hours after our ultrasound where the doctor showed us something that is apparently your labia, you made your presence very well known. And then again, and again, at least 5 different times throughout the day. And each time I couldn't stop smiling like a fool. I'm sure all the people in the coffee shop I was at thought I was crazy, giggling at seemingly random points throughout the day. I immediately called daddy, and although he was incredibly excited, I could tell he was pretty jealous too. I hope your kicks get stronger soon because I know he's dying to feel you.

Up until I felt you move, part of me felt disconnected from the pregnancy, from you. I guess I didn't truly feel it was real. And then I'd go on those awful baby forums where everyone talked about how much they're bonding with their little ones, and convince myself that I'm going to be a horrible mother because I wasn't experiencing those same feelings. When people asked if I was excited, I answered, honestly, that I was thrilled, that I had been waiting for you for more years than I can count on my fingers and toes. The part I did not verbalize, at least not to most people, was that this excitement was theoretical. It's like when you're about to go on a vacation, and everyone keeps telling you how excited you must be. And you fervently nod along and smile, echoing their words, but the truth is the excitement has not truly set in, and it won't until you're lying on that beach or exploring that city or climbing that mountain. Finally feeling you moving inside my belly materialized that excitement for me. That is, as they say, when shit got real.

I love knowing that everywhere I go for the next few months, I'm toting you around with me. I love knowing that I can keep you safe and warm. It almost makes me wish you didn't ever have to come out. Almost. But then I try to bend over to pick up a water bottle, and fail because my huge stomach gets in the way. And then, well, then I think I'll be a-ok when the time comes for you be born.




  1. I'm so glad that you felt some movement and that things are becoming real to you! I'm not a parent, but have read enough "mommy blogs" to learn that I should stay away from those message boards if and when I ever get pregnant. Easier said than done, but it sounds like a lot of them are full of "one-uppers." I'm sure a lot of mothers have felt the same way that you do - thanks for keeping it real ;)

  2. I can't WAIT to meet her. I had a thought last night that if we have a boy, maybe they'll fall in love and get married. Then Matt told me to go to bed because I obviously thought we were in a different time period. Still, it was a fun thought ;)

  3. Aww this is so sweet :) I'm glad that you are feeling her now :)

  4. so you feel the butterflies sensation? I love them's the fluttering sensation inside your womb. Don't worry about not feeling excited I am sure when it gets nearer to delivery you will feel it...a lot of it in fact haha..have fun!


  5. Your letters to your baby are so inspirational! I can't wait to get married and start having my own kids. Gosh, it must be such a blessing. Praying for you and Baby Girl!

  6. Great writing, my dear... It's so touching when you describe your feelings! :)

  7. So sweet! It's wonderful that you are journalling these moments.

  8. lovely blog! I enjoy reading it (:

  9. Aww this is so endearing! You're going to be such a great and strong mama! Can't wait to see bump picture updates!

    Hope everything continues to be healthy and well with you!! Congrats on your little chica!

  10. Awww, your daughter is going to cherish these words so much...I hope you talk to her out loud even now :) Isn't it beautiful that she will know your smell and your voice and recognize you when she's born? I can't imagine being pregnant, it's that same theoretical feeling for me...but I'm glad you're at the point where that baby is becoming more real and exciting to you every day!

    <3 Cambria


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