17 weeks
Dear baby,
I thought by now I'd be able to say "dear baby girl" or "dear baby boy" but unfortunately no such luck. On Monday morning, we had an ultrasound to try to determine your sex but unfortunately you're still a little too little. You tried your best to help us out though and I appreciate that. You were laying in my belly sleeping with your legs wide open as if you knew we were going to try to get a peek at your goods. Atta girl. Or boy. To be determined.
Despite not getting to know what we came for, seeing your little heart beating on that ultrasound made my day. I've read so many horror stories about how women have miscarriages later on in their pregnancies because their baby's heart suddenly stops beating for no apparent reason, so naturally I became terrified that was going to happen to you. Especially since I haven't felt you kick or move yet. What's that you say? It's a bad idea for me to read these horror stories? Yes, I know, but mama's a sick sick woman and she can't help herself. Daddy has told me time and time again to delete those baby apps from my phone and to stop doing this to myself, but I don't listen to him. I'm sure you won't either.
Unlike with our last ultrasound when we could see your whole body on the screen at once, you were way too big for us to do that this time. We had to go piece by piece, first looking at your head, then your torso and spine, then arms, hands, fingers, legs, feet, and finally toes. It's incredible to see how much you've grown in just a few short weeks! I'm going to go ahead and attribute my ever expanding belly to that rather than copious amounts of cheese I've been consuming. Mmmmm cheese. As we were examining you head to toe, the doctor kept pointing out how good everything looked, and mentioning that this was a good sign that you didn't have some obscure diseases I've never even heard of. I'm sure she meant to comfort me, but remember now, I'm sick. So instead of being comforted, I became acutely aware of how many more things there are to worry about, things I didn't even know existed. And so back to reading horror stories I went.
Love,
Mama
